For You
by Crittab
Summary: Two-Shot. Bella and Edward's thoughts from the days leading up to, and following Edward's departure in New Moon. Each chapter is inspired by a song. Follows canon. Complete.
1. Chapter 1: Lie

**Disclaimer:** I don't have any affiliation with the Twilight franchise, nor do I own the rights to the song "Lie" by David Cook. No copyright infringement intended.

**Lie**

(BPOV)

Everything has changed. I knew it. I knew it as soon as I recovered my thoughts, as soon as I felt the throbbing in my arm. I knew Edward wouldn't get past this.

So as the days pass and he grows more and more distant, I'm beginning to fear what I'll do when he finally comes to the conclusion that he doesn't want me anymore. That, in his mind, it's too dangerous for us to be together.

Of course, I'm not crazy, I can see the danger. But I also know that whatever pain I may have to go through to stay with Edward will pale in comparison to the agony of losing him.

* * *

_You whispered that you were getting tired,  
Got a look in your eye,  
Looks a lot like goodbye.  
Hold on to your secrets tonight.  
Don't want to know I'm ok with this silence  
It's truth that I don't want to hear_

* * *

Edward is a genuine sort of man. He doesn't play around with his words, he doesn't double-speak. Everything he says holds a purpose. It's one of the reasons I love him so much.

But now things are different. He doesn't seem quite so genuine. His distance is making me fear the worst, and I know it's only a matter of time before he says the one truth that I dare not think. I can't. I can't handle that pain right now. Everything was perfect. Why can't we go back to before my birthday, when everything was just right? When Edward and I were desperately in love, and nothing but the errant thoughts of past trials caused us pain?

* * *

You're hiding regret in your smile  
There's a storm in your eyes I've seen coming for awhile  
Hold on to the past tense tonight  
Don't say a word,  
I'm ok with the quiet.  
The truth is gonna change everything.

* * *

I just wish I knew that it would all be alright. I wish he would give me reassurances, no matter how hollow. Even the ruse of our continuity would be enough to satiate me today. I'm so afraid that this is it. I'm so afraid that I can't handle the outcome if he decides to remove me from his life.

I would gladly take a lie today, rather than face the truth. The truth is never good.

* * *

So lie to me and tell me that it's gonna be alright  
So lie to me and tell me that we'll make it through the night  
I don't mind if you wait before you tear me apart,  
Look me in the eye,  
Lie, lie, lie.

* * *

I know, on the inside, that what happened was a big deal. I know all of this can be undone with just a single wrong move, an incorrect twitch of my finger. Hell, the tiniest amount of blood had been enough to destroy Jasper's hard-earned restraint.

I feel like Hell for putting him through that. I wish he knew how sorry I was, how sorry I will always be for being such a klutz.

Only I, Bella Swan, could be capable of bleeding in the most innocent and non-threatening of situations. My ability to destroy everything by being a walking disaster certainly puts an extra strain on an already impossible relationship.

But God, I don't want my awkwardness and accidents to be the end of my relationship. I love Edward too much to let him go.

* * *

I know that there's no turning back.  
If we put too much light on this we'll see through all the cracks.  
Let's stay in the dark one more night.  
Don't want to know I'm ok with the silence.  
It's truth that I don't want to hear.

* * *

Maybe if I just forget about it all and pretend like it didn't happen, Edward will begin to forget. Maybe if I just keep going on with life and love, he will follow suit.

I know that probably isn't the case. But maybe… just maybe.

Edward isn't one to forget. He remembers every tiny detail of every miniscule, obscure moment. He documents them and files them away for future reference. No doubt, this particular incident is not going to be forgotten in the back of the filing system, covered in cobwebs and dust. I'm sure he'll keep replaying it as his own personal torture device until he's decided he just can't keep putting _me_ through all the agony.

But that's the problem with Edward. He assumes I'm equally as scarred by these events, as he will be. But I'm not. The scars I have are physical and not important in the grand scheme of things. The only pain that can go deep enough to scar me, truly scar me, will be if Edward leaves.

* * *

Don't want to believe in this ending  
Let the cameras roll on,  
Keep pretending  
Tomorrow's all wrong if you walk away  
Just stay

* * *

I feel like I need to talk to Alice. She's the only member of the Cullen clan who can tell me about what's about to happen. Or rather, she's the only one who knows, aside from Edward of course. But his answers aren't exactly clear.

I haven't seen Alice since the incident with Jasper though. I don't know if she would be honest with me about it, but I suspect that whatever Edward is up to, she's in on it too. She supports him unequivocally. She always has. She's his right-hand-man, so to speak. The two of them are more like siblings then the rest of the Cullen's. They seem to be cut from the same cloth.

So now I don't even have my best friend as back up.

Whatever the case, I'm deciding right now that I don't want to know. I'll take Edward's version of events and believe it with my heart and soul because I have to. I can't deny him my trust right now. I just can't.

* * *

So lie to me and tell me that it's gonna be alright  
So lie to me and tell me that we'll make it through the night  
I don't mind if you wait before you tear me apart  
Look me in the eye,  
And lie, lie, lie.

* * *

And so here we are in the forest, and the look in his eye is one of cold confidence. It's a look I've never seen on his angelic features before. This situation is all wrong. My mind is telling me to run, to block it out, not to let it happen. If it does, I'm afraid of how I'll react—if I'll survive. I may not.

He begins to speak. His tone sure. The words are those that I fear most.

Please, continue with the charade. Please don't let this be it.

* * *

So lie to me and tell me that we're gonna be ok  
So lie to me and tell me that we'll make it through the day  
I don't mind if you wait before you tear me apart  
Look me in the eye,  
And lie, lie, lie.

* * *

**A/N: **Hope you enjoyed it. The song is "Lie" by David Cook.

Reviews are appreciated.


	2. Chapter 2: I Did it for You

**Disclaimer: **I don't have any affiliation with the Twilight franchise, nor do I own the rights to the song "I Did It For You" by David copyright infringement intended.

**I Did It For You**

(EPOV)

I've never been in more pain than I am in this moment. I've never felt such an intense pressure in my chest. The pain from the change was nothing compared to this. I would gladly take the fire of venom over this intense crushing pressure in a second.

But I have to do this. I can't continue. I can't let Bella stay with me knowing that every second we're together she is a second away from an excruciating death. Furthermore, I cannot let my love for Bella hurt my family.

I know what Esme would say. She would say that she's never seen me happier than I am with Bella.

I know what Carlisle would say. He would say she's a part of our family now that we're together.

I know what Emmet would say. He would say she's hilarious and we have to keep her around for humours sake.

Okay—Emmet's response is almost enough to put a smile on my face. Almost.

I know what Alice would say. She would say that she can see how things will work out, and can warn in advance. Of course, she'd be wrong, because she didn't see the last incident happening.

I know what Jasper would say. He would say to keep Bella and let him leave. I can't let him do that. He's my brother. He is not replaceable.

I know what Rose would say. Rose would say that it's about time I realized the foolishness of my choice to have Bella in my life. She would say that I should have let her go a long time ago. She would say I've been selfishly endangering the whole family by allowing her to continuously be exposed to our way of life.

Rose would be right.

Bella doesn't understand. She never has. She has this illusion of safety whenever I'm with her. As though she's floating in an ocean and I'm her life vest. She's misguided at best, and suicidal at worst.

Why she chooses to surround herself with vampires, I'll never understand. If given the choice I would gladly be human again, completely unaware to this part of the world. Myths are meant to be myths. The truths in the world can shatter anyone's illusions of safety.

Of course, I've told her this. I've told her a million times that she isn't safe with me. I've tried to scare her, push her away, but her drive and desire to be with me just pulls us closer the harder I try.

I have been selfish though. If I wasn't, I wouldn't be having this internal dialogue. I wouldn't be standing here in the forest with my love, about to rip her heart out. I shouldn't have told her I'd stay with her. That was wrong. That was selfish. Now I have to go back on my promise, and it hurts me more than I can possibly describe.

It's almost like she knew that I would be easy to convince. Like she knew that a few tears and stuttered sobs and pleas would be enough to make me stay with her.

She was right. Of course she was right. I'm a weak, soulless creature. I naturally prey on the appearance of weakness in my victims. Poor Bella is just my latest victim, only the fate I've brought upon her is far worse than the fate of any mountain lion I seek. Their deaths are quick and painless. They fight for a moment, and then the moment is over, and they don't recognize what has happened until it's too late.

Bella… she will be left to suffer with my abandonment. I can only hope that by telling her the most hideous lie I've ever concocted, it will be enough to push her quickly to recovery. I hope.

I begin my spiel. I begin my lie. The look in her eye is almost enough to make me reconsider and just beg her to forgive me for even the thought of leaving. But I can't. I have to do this. I have no choice. With me, she'll never be safe.

So I continue. I continue and every word I speak makes me want to wretch. The lies spin so viciously that I barely notice as the words leave my mouth.

"Bella, I don't want you to come with me". I don't want her? How did I say it? How is my face still not betraying the depth of emotions that I'm feeling?

She looks as though I've gutted her. My immediate response is to take her into my arms and tell her that it was a lie.

My secondary response is pain. She believes me. After all of this time, how can she possibly believe me?

That hurts more than anything else.

_'This is the right thing to do', 'This is the right thing to do'_. My mantra doesn't ease the pain.

Suddenly I'm overtaken by fear. She looks heartbroken. She is. But I realize in this moment that I'm not really sure how she'll handle her heartbreak. I pray to whatever God there may be that I haven't just damned her to life of misery and self-inflicted pain.

I ask her to do me a favour. As if I have any right whatsoever to ask anything of her. She says "Anything," as though I haven't just cruelly damaged her.

"Don't do anything reckless or stupid," I ask. I beg. "Do you understand what I'm saying?" I hope my eyes don't betray me by showing my pain, but she nods her agreement. I take an unnecessary breath and try to regain my composure before I lose it entirely.

With that promise, maybe I can actually convince myself to leave.

Eventually I find the strength to turn and leave. I can't look back at her. I can't look at the destruction. Instead, I run as hard and as fast I can, desperate to get as far away from Bella as I possibly can.

Desperate.

As soon as I get home, I can tell that my wishes have been followed by the family. Much of the house has already been packed into the cars, and only a few stragglers are left. Esme and Carlisle. Both of them are visibly upset by my choice, but I can hear in their thoughts that there is no animosity—just sadness for the loss.

They love Bella too. Esme, because she's taken me from my shell and has shown me what love is. Carlisle, because she's exactly the kind of girl he would have wanted for a daughter, and is sad to see her go.

Both, because they don't want to see me unhappy for the rest of eternity.

I know I can't go with them. I can't hurt my family the way I've hurt Bella. I have to go far away so I can't cause anyone any more pain. _  
_  
I stay behind at the house for a while. It's empty, quiet. The whole family is gone, and it's just me and my Volvo left, with a small bag of clothes. I haven't totally decided where I'm going, but knowing my family is headed North, I'm fairly sure it'll be in a southerly direction.

I slump into a corner like a scolded child, curling in on myself and allowing myself a moment of pity and shame. I feel as though I've earned that much.

All I can see is the pain on Bella's face when I close my eyes. She hadn't begged me to stay. She hadn't said one thing to make a case for herself. She had just blindly accepted that I no longer am in love with her and allowed me to leave.

I can't believe it was that easy for her to accept.

Finally, after I had watched the sun go up and down three times, I pulled myself out of the corner and into my car, taking off for God knows where. It doesn't matter. Anywhere but here.

**_Today's not the same  
as every day  
it's far from ordinary  
The pain I endure  
You're my cure  
but my mistakes have led me  
far away from you..._**

**_You turn away  
from all those things  
that I've been trying to say  
and all those promises  
I shouldn't have made  
I did it for you_**

**_My open mind  
feelings I just can't reconcile  
my heart's on a string  
these broken wings  
you knew I'd be so fragile  
Far away from you..._**

**_You turn away  
from all those things  
that I've been trying to say  
and all those promises  
I shouldn't have made  
I did it for you_**

**_I searched my soul  
and all these feelings  
that I can't control  
and you're the one thing  
that can make me whole  
I did it for you_**

**_Try to let you know_**

**_Today is not the same  
as everyday  
it's far from ordinary..._**

**_You turn away  
from all those things  
that I've been trying to say  
and all those promises  
I shouldn't have made  
I did it for you_**

**_Oh I searched my soul  
and all these feelings  
that I can't control  
and you're the one thing  
that can make me whole  
I did it for you...  
I did it for you...  
I did it for you..._**

**_You're the one thing that can make me whole  
I did it for you..._**

**A/N-** I heard the song "I Did it for You" by David Cook and immediately thought of Edward (yes, thats where my thoughts go immediately... sad, I know). Let me know your thoughts.


End file.
